Yeah if things were more accepting, I probably would have lived most my adult life dressed as a woman. But I'm not transexual, I'm tranvestite. I just like looking & dressing like a girl, but don't feel I'm actually am one inside. It's like a gay male doesn't want to be a woman, or feel like one just because he's attracted to men.
But there will probably never be total acceptance of us among much of the population. Being too different or unusual just isn't acceptable to a lot of people. You can still get bullied in school just for being too small, too smart, handicapped, too stupid, too fat, or too poor. Those attitudes don't change much when many of those kids grow up.
Even within the gay community long ago & today, we don't get the dignity or respect they give gay men or women. Jobs in the gay community, even in gay bars, the crossdressers are never offered as high a position or pay as everyone else.
Sexually among gays, we are viewed as people who want or need to get fucked all the time. Even in the most liberal straight communities, crossdressers are veiwed as gay. Ironically, most male crossdressers are really straight & attracted to women, not men.
But if I could go back in time & change anything, what could I have possibly do that would make anything better without making something else worse or too different?
Think of the domino effect. Change one little thing or event, & you change at lot of stuff related to it.
By being the "black sheep" liberal in the family, I helped & inspired many in my family & friends to be a little better, happier, & freer. They grew to treat others better too.
Joining the gay liberation groups of the day, also placed me in suicide prevention duty. How many people wouldn't be around anymore or as free without us, if my life was different & I wasn't there at that time?
Not being the acceptable "macho" guy, the job market for what I knew how to do was more limited. I took on work in the "underdog" companies or smaller nightclubs. This gave me more opportunities & freedom to do more stuff, including design, invent, & build stuff.
Back when AIDs first turned up, at first hardly anybody knew about it or what it was. It didn't even have a name yet. I only knew that it was a sexually transmitted disease that there is no cure for, & is fatal. I spread the word about it over the mike in the nightclubs, their bulletin boards, newsletters, the gay newspapers, & organizations. How many lives did that save?
Even after it got the name "AIDs" we continued to spread information about it, & promote safe sex. Sadly, a huge amount of active gays ignored the warning, or felt they were young & invincible, so simply wouldn't catch it. Others thought it was just a NYC or California disease so would never catch it here locally. But that was a time when many were catching it here, but remained silent about it, or didn't know they caught it. It was only when it was too late, when we were surrounded by many in the final stages of the disease, slowly & miserably dieing, that did they realize that AIDs was everywhere in the gay community, & they were most likely infected.
I literally saw hundreds of people I personally knew slowly & miserably die. But so many more did survive because they did pay attention to us & our work. If I changed anything in the past, would it had affected what I did to the point that lives would have been lost? Or in another life, would I would have wound up misinformed, or careless, & caught the disease?
Being trans, small, & not macho, made me more withdrawn, & a bookworm before the days of computers. I spent countless days in the libraries reading & researching. If things were different, would my education have suffered? I've seen some family members & friends fall victim to drug & alcohol abuse. If things were different, maybe I could have been one of them. Drugs & alcohol was everywhere, easily obtained, & cheap.
I've met so many wonderful people & learned so many things that I might not have ever known if I wasn't in the right place at the right time. Would I even have had the same pets that I loved so dearly & gave a happy full life to? Changing just one thing one day, puts you in a different place another day. Who's to say that just changing one thing in your past doesn't eventually make things worse instead of better?
Some of us are at our best, & do our best when we're not given a perfect life, or don't get whatever we want.
We don't get chocolate cake every time we want it, when we want it. And we're probably better off -- a better person because of it. That's how life is for everybody, not just us. Dealing with it makes us better. Whatever don't kill you makes you stronger.
I've frequently reflected on my past, wondering what if things were different... if I turned right instead of left. Especially with a few recent "near death" experiences, wondering where I made the "wrong turn". What choices that I could lived with, would have made things better?
I think for almost all basically good people there is no "wrong turn". No matter which way we turn will be the right turn. Either direction will have different joys, consequences, & difficult scenarios. Neither will be better.
Enjoy the trees, birds, stream, & flowers taking the wrong turn down the long hard road. Take the right turn on the fast easy paved short road, & you'll miss all of that, might crash, or get mugged along the way.
http://buffalobetties.com/media/pain.mp3 (4.7mb)
Topic: TV Alert - Lost In Transition (Read 6771 times)
