Th bad thing about our age is people we know keep disappearing... even more now with covid around. Being primarily a tech in the entertainment industry, I lost probably close to 90% of every non-family member I knew to the AIDs pandemic, plus more than half my customers & employers. So due to aging & covid, it's like the same trauma all over again. I lost 2 of my brothers over the past 5 years. And I was supposed to be next for the past 6 or 7 years, but somehow managed to hang on.
I know I should be brave, but when my COPD is at its worst, it's fucking terrifying knowing I might die tonight... Or knowing I may be intubated, strapped to a bed, in pain, not being able to speak, cry, or even scratch an itch for weeks to months in a hospital. Is it better to just die? With not enough insurance, & nobody at home to take care of things or pay the bills, & no rich relatives, I'd probably lose everything after a few weeks in a hospital.
Most of my dresses after the fire, on a tight budget, came from Milanoo. Ironically some of the cheaper ones there at the time were the ones I liked the most. Their more expensive lines didn't look frilly or sissy-like enough. I got a couple of rare frilly communion dresses that fit perfect through an Amazon seller cheap too. Also got a few of those cheap "costume" outfits over the years too... sort of like a tutu/corset dress (sexy adult ballerina), & a very short sailor dress.