Moved from our Story site:
What am I? (Not a story but a honest question about myself)
Sissy Ballerina Boy on: February 13, 2021, 07:10:09 AM
Hello all, little long, sorry in advance.
I am a man in my mid 30’s living in America with a wife and child. I know the world/community of people on this page is large and many different types of people. The question I always wonder is what am I?
Since being a small child, around 4/5 I remember getting aroused watching cartoons/tv shows of male characters being forced to dress as woman. One of my earliest memories is watching “Muppet Babies” and seeing Ms. Piggy in her dream, get a new Nanny who forces all the characters to wear her iconic pink dress. Several years later there’s an episode of Doug where he takes ballet. He seems Roger the local Bully walking past the dance studio and Doug freaks. He has a day dream of him in full ballerina costume complete with Tutu and tiara as the bullies laugh and say how “darling” he is. That one left an impact with me that still effects me to this day.
I grew up in a large male house hold. All brothers and no sisters and I was the youngest. I always found Comfort being with women whether it be my baby sisters or local kids. I had a normal boy childhood which I love. Guns, GI Joe and other action figures. I never wanted a Barbie or dolls. I did have a encopresis issue till I was around 9 years old which caused extreme shame and humiliation. I also as a child got very aroused when a tv show or movie had teenager or adult was forced to behave like a baby. ( “Stop or my Mother will Shoot” had a dream of Sylvester Stallone’s mother trying to change his diaper. Another moment that always effected me)
I remember around the age of 7/8 I heard my mother saying how she always wanted a daughter. My mother told me how she always wanted to do ballet as well but her parents though she would quit and never gave her lesions. I think hearing how my mom wanted a daughter and the ballet classes changed me in a way forever. I in my wildest dreams wanted to be a boy ballet student who was forced to wear a girls costume or taught/treated as a girl.
My parents divorced and all my brothers moved away to be adults and it was just me and my mother for a long time. I once worked up the courage and asked if I could take ballet lessons one summer. She agreed and I took several classes all summer. To say I was a little let down was an understatement. I wore a t shirt and sweat pants and was treated just like a boy with around 3 to 4 other girls being in my class. I was around 12 but wanted the tights and leotards. As the summer ended I wanted to keep taking it in hopes of that but sadly got cold feet and told my mom I didn’t want to take it. I made sure we went to a studio several towns over in case anyone from school saw me.
Around the age of 14 we got the family compute with internet and I soon discovered this world (year was 2000). This site along with I believe was “Sarah Jane’s sissy world” (great stories, where I found my favorite “David’s fateful day” story) it changed me. It brought back so many feelings I been holding on to for life. I also discovered the “Diaper Pail Friends” which also brought out the ABDL in me.
My dreams were now to be forced to wear diapers and dresses. Perform in ballet recitals in a tutu in front of people. I have and always been attracted to women and my Fantasy is to be FORCED to dress as this. Blackmail, bet, punishment. It can’t be by choice. I once planned to purposely wet my bed so my mom would diaper me (I never did and my encopresis was treated with love and care. No diapers) I never had the courage to take ballet again, and while I was a wild child at times my mother never forced me to wear dresses.
In my later teen years I started to wear my mothers clothing. Panties, dresses, my favorite was a pair of her tights along with one of her bathing suits that I would pretend it was a leotard. When ever I would “self pleasure” myself it was always to the stories on this site or others (I lost count of how many times I read “David’s fateful day”) but even just making up my own stories. “Susan’s three way revenge” is my dream in high school. I’ve had a few girl friends over the years do a very mild version of dressing me up but it was never as good as I thought it would be. My wife knows I have some “kinks” but I never went into full detail fearing she would be ashamed of me (mainly the baby diaper stuff )
It seems in later years the stories got more intense with Chasity and men serving other men to please there women. I have to admit that turns me on as well and the idea of being a maid and suc-king a man member to please my wife can get me very hot. Like I said it all has to be forced. Same with pegging. I need the idea of the woman forcing me to do it. (I got some mild sex toys but nothing like that)
Now he’s the question I ask. In the Trans world what am I ? Am I a transvestite? Is that word PC anymore? I get sexual pleasure in wearing women’s clothes but it has to be forced. I see a therapist and she thinks I might have some gender issues. I told her how I don’t think I want to be a woman, that’s why it has to be forced but she thinks I’m using that as a defensive mechanism. To make it “understandable” to me.
I’m not sure where I’m going with this. Sorry it went on so long but I’m a straight male who likes being a man, but wants to be forced to wear dresses and diapers and pleasure men for my wife. Any clues or idea of what my “Title” might be?
Thanks all.
---
Reply #1 babycakes on: February 13, 2021, 12:57:55 PM
Wow!!!! Suddenly it just got serious. The ultimate question, isn't it?
From an NBC doc-umentary in the U.S.A.
https://www.nbcnews.com/id/wbna20092425,
"Who am I?
The prized puzzle in brain research is arguably the idea of consciousness. When you look at a painting, for instance, you are aware of it and your mind processes its colors and shapes. At the same time, the visual impression could stir up emotions and thoughts. This subjective awareness and perception is consciousness.
Many scientists consider consciousness the delineation between humans and other animals.
So rather than cognitive processes directly leading to behaviors (unbeknownst to us), we are aware of the thinking. We even know that we know!
If this mind bender is ever solved, an equally perplexing question would arise, according to neuroscientists: Why? Why does awareness exist at all?
Ultimately, Weinberger said, “understanding the brain will enable us to understand what it truly is to be human.”
Have read that a person is the sum of their experiences and the impacts of those experiences on themselves. Hence, even an individual and their clone would be different persons regardless of their DNA, much like identical twins. Good luck in your search for self-definition but learn also to love and accept who your are.
---
Reply #2 Sandra B on: February 13, 2021, 03:02:30 PM
Sissy Ballerina Boy -
You have great courage and intelligence, not because you’ve opened up to the rest of us – most of us have some form of similar or related feelings – but because you are capable of being totally honest with yourself. You are prepared to recognise your needs, and their origins, and think about what they mean.
Your title? The essence of everything you’ve said is that you are sexually, though probably not socially, submissive; and some form of enforcement is key. It’s the most difficult and frustrating thing, having most or all of the time to disguise these desires, and perhaps never finding satisfaction. Even to request relief necessarily undermines its intensity, because it makes the enforcement artificial. You don’t ask for a solution. Therapy may suppress or neuter certain impulses – but few of us truly desire that. Better to live with the painful, unsatisfied yearning, which also energises us and makes us vital beings, than to suffer its loss. Ultimately, your needs – our needs - can only be supplied by another human being capable of feeling impulses directly opposite to yours.
Thank you for sharing your feelings - and giving us a few ideas for stories which we now know will have at least one appreciative reader!
---
Reply #3 JamieBoyBoy on: February 13, 2021, 10:22:09 PM
I know this will come off as... many bad things, but honestly, there's 7 billion answers to this question and they all distill down to two words.
You're you.
Every person who identifies as L or G or T or B or anything is a lot of that, and a little of another, and some of this and a dash of that.
You're you. You're what your childhood fantasies and experiences built and twisted and grew into, and the kicker is:
It's good. You're good. You're as happy with what you are as you can allow yourself to be.
How about this; I'm very like you, especially the ballet details minus the humiliation/force aspect. At 9, I wanted to be put into a girl's ballet class with girls and other boys who LIKED being there and would encourage me to stay.
Because I never really got to experience being the gay little ballet-boy/girl I wanted to be from that age through my teens, and because I thought I couldn't make it in a normal relationship, I'm now in my 50's a very happy single guy who as I say, is happy, but wonders all the time if I missed something important, a wife and kids. I may be more unfulfilled than I think I am, and I may regret it more as I age... but you HAVE the family. You have a family who loves you, even with your different desires.
I think your desires probably make you the interesting, effective, distinctly you person you are.
Maybe 'what you are' is less a problem, because what you REALLY are is just a good, decent person with some interesting quirks.
Topic: What am I? (moved from stories) (Read 3474 times)
