(Emma, continued)
In an April 14 email provided to the Citizen-Times by Emma’s mother, Specht apologizes for any miscommunication.
“It was very unfortunate that the restrooms in the cafeteria were still locked the day Emma needed to use one,” she writes. “As I explained before, it wouldn't matter if the hall restroom had one or five stalls, the teachers do not let the kindergarten students leave the cafeteria unattended.
“…I am sorry if you or Emma have gotten the feeling or impression that I have treated Emma any differently than any other student, that certainly was not my intent.”
Four days later, Specht emailed Emma’s mother again and said she had spoken to her teachers to make sure everyone was on the same page.
“When Emma, or any student, needs to use the restroom when they are not in the classroom they will take her to the nearest restroom,” it says. “If they are in the cafeteria and the doors have not been unlocked, they will ask a custodian to unlock the door. (I have also reminded the custodians that those need to be unlocked every day).
“Please let me know if there is anything else that I can do to do help you and Emma feel comfortable with the situation.”
Buncombe County Schools strives to support and accommodate its transgender students by recognizing that each person is their own individual with unique needs, Thompson said.
“We look at everything on a case-by-case basis," he said. "We will identify what the options are in the building and then we work with students about what they are comfortable with and where they feel safe."
When a student identifies as transgender, a school principal will then talk with the student and their parent to understand their specific situation before making a plan, he said. The student’s needs must remain forefront despite the personal or political opinions of the staff.
"We have to make it about the child and not about the person who is making that choice," Thompson said. "What does the child need? And if we keep that child focus rather than staff focus, then we’re making the right decision."
Thompson said he is unaware of any issue where the district and a family haven’t been able to find common ground.
The cafeteria bathrooms should have never been locked at Glen Arden, Thompson said. That was unintentional. They had been locked from the day before and school staff never reopened them, he said. “The restrooms are typically not locked during the day,” Thompson said.
HB2 also would not normally be part of the conversation about transgender student bathroom use, he continued. Despite changing state and federal priorities, Buncombe County Schools has always kept its focus on the individual child, he said.
"It's not a political decision," Thompson said. "It's a personal decision.”
It can be a delicate balance to address a student's wants with safety, he said. Buncombe County Schools does not want to see any of its students become a target, Thompson said. "It's always about safety, safety of the student and knowing our population," he said.
There will always be students within any large school that are very accepting and understanding and others who are not, he said.
To avoid a transgender student feeling singled out, the challenge is to create a bathroom routine that is the same for everybody, he said. That could mean students use the hall restroom two at a time or they only use a classroom bathroom, Thompson said.
Buncombe County's school board doesn't have a policy specifically protecting transgender students or clarifying what bathrooms they can use.
The district has, however, adopted polices protecting all students against discrimination, sexual harassment, violence and bullying.
Roberson District school board member Amy Churchill declined to discuss Emma's situation.
"The issue of how to support transgender students has not come before the board since I have been on," said Churchill, who has talked with Emma's mother about her concerns.
"Of course the issue of how to support all of our students comes up in almost every discussion we have," she said.
The district relies on transgender students and their parents to voice their concerns, Thompson said.
"It is a much newer issue to deal with transgender issues at elementary schools than it is for middle and high schools who have dealt with this over several years," Thompson said. "So, we probably have, you know, greater growth to experience about how do we do this well and how do we support elementary kids.”
Buncombe County Schools is slowly engaging the district in Compassionate Schools, a nationally recognized training framework that helps educators better address the social and emotional needs of students, Thompson said.
The model doesn't deal specifically with transgender issues but does discuss gender, he said. Staff at Glen Arden and six other schools received the training May 1.
Social workers and counselors across the district also received LGBT sensitivity training last summer from Western Carolina University and Youth OUTright, a local nonprofit organization supporting LGBT students, Thompson said. There are also more student-led support groups such as Gay Straight Alliances, he said.
Several years ago the district participated in a training done by the North Carolina Department of Public Instruction that covered the intersection between LGBT students, depression and suicide risk, he said.
"This is something that is different for folks, and it is something that we're still learning, and we're open," Thompson said. "As with any situation, there might be a staff member who is uninformed, or a staff member who is not aware, and they may make a mistake, and when we find that out, we'll correct it. Again, we take these situations very individually."
The problem with dealing with the needs of transgender students on a case-by-case basis is that there is no minimum standard of support, said Allison Scott, a transgender woman who is the advocacy and media director for Tranzmission, a local nonprofit advocating for the lives of transgender people.
Too much is left up to the individual principals and their personal beliefs, she said.
Tranzmission recently started a networking group for the parents of transgender kids. Six to eight families come to each meeting, Scott said.
Many of the participants are struggling to navigate Buncombe County Schools' policies, she said. Some administrators are very friendly toward the transgender population and there are others who are not, Scott said.
It's a double standard, said Scott. Cisgender people, those whose gender identity matches their biological sex, never have to prove who they are.
"It's harassment from the top down," she said. "This administration is not understanding these issues and they are putting incredibly terrible burdens on these youth, separating them out and making them use different restrooms and different changing facilities and making these kids undergo things they shouldn't have to go through."
Dr. Johanna Olson-Kennedy operates the largest clinic for transgender youth in the world at the Children’s Hospital Los Angeles. There are 150 kids under 12 in the program.
Families come to The Center for Transyouth Health and Development looking for networks and support, she said.
The National Center for Transgender Equality in 2015 completed the largest survey to date examining the experiences of transgender people in the United States.
Thirty-nine percent of the some 27,715 respondents reported experiencing serious psychological distress in the month before completing the survey, compared with only 5 percent of the U.S. population.
Forty percent had attempted suicide — a number nearly nine times the national rate of 4.6 percent.
The majority of respondents who were out or perceived as transgender while in school experienced some form of mistreatment, including verbal harassment, physical or sexual assault, the survey reports.
Seventeen percent of respondents said they dropped out of school because of the stress.
Children naturally discover and begin expressing their gender identity around ages 3 and 4, Olson-Kennedy said.
Gender is something people are born with and doesn't change over time, she said. It also doesn't always match the biological sex presented and assigned at birth.
For transgender or gender nonconforming individuals, the feeling that one's body does not reflect their gender can cause distress, anxiety and depression, she said. Children who grow up this way often hear a lot shame messages, both overt and implicit, she said.
A female child might be told not to play with a toy because it is for boys. A male child might be told that dressing a certain way is wrong. This can be especially difficult for people like Emma who are born biologically male but present as female, Olson-Kennedy said.
American culture is a lot more accepting of tomboys and girls wearing pants than boys who chose to wear skirts, she explained. To survive, transgender children have to create their own path, fighting against social norms, she said.
"The expectation is your gender identity will match your assigned sex. That is the construct in which all of us grow up, including transfolks," Olson-Kennedy said. "Now, they are going to have to swim against that."
The best predictor of healthy outcomes for kids is having supportive adults in their lives, she continued. Transgender children, like all children, need parents who accept them.
Schools are a child's second home, the doctor said. Those in charge need to ensure that transgender students are treated no differently than their peers, she said.
A lack of support or outright hostility, violence or discrimination can carry a big toll, she said.
Fifty-nine percent of respondents to the 2015 U.S. Transgender Survey reported that in the past year they had avoided using a restroom in public, at work or in school because they were afraid of confrontations or other problems.
Nearly one-third said they refrained from drinking or eating so that they would not need to use the restroom, and 8 percent reported having a urinary tract infection or kidney-related medical problem as a result of avoiding restrooms in the past year.
A school can have a huge impact on positive development for young people, Olson-Kennedy said. Administrators and teachers have the opportunity to model acceptance and openness, creating a wider net of support.
"Our trans kids need compassion and love," she said. "They don't need hostility and discrimination at the age of 6."
As the school year comes to an end, Amy and Kevin are at a loss of how best to support Emma as she prepares to enter first grade. They considered transferring her to a nearby charter school, but Emma has been put on a wait list.
They are also contemplating selling their house and buying something smaller so they can afford to home-school. Amy was planning on going back to work this year. She has a car detailing business that she put on hold while her kids were young.
Amy said she might leave the work and the only home her young children have even known behind. “(Emma’s) self-worth is worth so much more than where or how we live,” she said.
The family doesn’t want to leave Glen Arden Elementary. It’s close to their home and Emma’s brother loves it there. But, they don’t know what other options they have, the parents said.
An entire year has gone by and Amy and Kevin still aren’t sure their daughter has access to the facilities she needs to be healthy and safe at school, they said.
It’s hard to stomach Emma facing discrimination and shame over something as basic as using the restroom, her parents said.
"She's feelings these feelings thinking it's all her fault,” said Kevin.
The couple have sought the help of the American Civil Liberties Union of North Carolina. The nonprofit civil rights organization is monitoring the situation, said Irena Como, a staff attorney.
Title IX prohibits gender discrimination in educational programs or activities, she said. All schools have an obligation to support all children. They should be inclusive, accommodating and safe, Como explained. A child should not feel singled out for any reason.
"Being able to use the bathroom where the children look like you and you are comfortable is one of the most basic things a school should ensure in fostering a safe and inclusive environment," she said.
A child's ability to learn is compromised when teachers and school administrators, who are supposed to be role models, create an environment lacking support and acceptance, Como added.
It’s a kindergarten tradition at Glen Arden for children to get an "About Me" day, said Amy. Emma came home from hers crying, her mother said.
The teacher gives each student a large piece of paper with a child drawn on it and the kids use it to tell their classmates who they are.
Emma’s poster had "Colton" written on top. The drawing the staff made showed a child with short hair, a red shirt, colorful shorts and black shoes.
That day Emma had specifically worn a pink shirt with a heart on it and matching shoes, her mother recalled. Emma’s hair was long and she had already changed her name.
According to the notes taken by the WNC Advocacy League, Emma’s teacher said she had no pink markers in her classroom.
Emma came home angry and upset, Amy said. She took the paper, taped it to the wall and redrew it. Her parents crossed out the name “Colton” and wrote “Emma.”
The young girl then colored pink around the shirt and made her hair blonde. She gave herself rosy cheeks and pink nail polish. The family still has the poster.
“I’m proud of her for doing that because she’s taking a stand," her mother said. "She's saying, 'That’s not who I am; this is who I am.'"
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